Top 10 steps to Glam Shot success
It's time to find your inner-glam. We all know you can be glamorous - all you really need are a few tips and a little push in the right direction. Lucky for you, the Viva! Home-boys-and-girls are full of trained professionals willing and ready to help.
Julie Keselman
Issue date: 10/2/09 Section: Viva
Step 1: What to do and what to absolutely not do
See pictures to right
Photo 1 = NO! Photo 2 = YES!
Step 2: Innovation
Be creative with your poses.
And please, keep your orifices out of this.
Step 3: Contacting your inner stylist
YES: Polyester satin, suspenders, fur coats, American lag jumpsuits, gold bikinis, Texas Big Hair, coyness, big lips, exaggerated eyeshadow, sequence, car commercials…in Japan.
NO: Popped collars, trying-too-hard-cleavage, puka shells, platinum blonde Azns, anything vaguely reminiscent of Heidi Montag, blood, snuggies (in the privacy of your own home, please), the Eiffel Tower pose (ditto).
Step 4: The biggest mistake
You can't be white and "crunk." You are not Eminem. Don't even go there. Few exceptions made for Vanilla Ice.
Step 5: ATTITUDE.
Yes: "Bitch, please." "Don't hate me cause you ain't me." "2 percent angel, 98 percent devil."
No: "I just have a lot of feelings."
Important slogans to remember when being glamorous:
1. Time is money.
2. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
3. I am invincible.
4. Does this dress make me look fat?
5. What will my mother say when she sees this?
6.. Patience is a virtue.
7. 1, 2, 3 - POSE.
Step 6: Timeless additions and forms of inspiration
Yes please: Cougars, cameos by professors, whips and chains (not for everyone), piano key neckties
No more: The faux female mustache, polaroids with sharpie commentary, the foreshortened arm, and please…if you don't need glasses, don't wear them
Step 7: All my ladies
Aspirations: Sasha Fierce, Mary Katherine Gallagher, 60% Agyness Deyn, Lily Cole, Zooey Deschanel, Regina George, Mila Kunis, M.I.A., Sarah Palin, JUERGEN TELLER IS A GOD
Avoid like H1N1: The "Amy Winehouse," Courtney Love (redundant), any girl on VHI, Janice Dickinson, just being Miley
Step 8: All my fellas
Be: Will Smith, anyone from Boy Meets World excluding Corey but including Mr. Feeny, John Stamos, Jackie Chan, Kevin Garnett, Clive Owen, David Bowie, Andre 3000
See pictures to right
Photo 1 = NO! Photo 2 = YES!
Step 2: Innovation
Be creative with your poses.
And please, keep your orifices out of this.
Step 3: Contacting your inner stylist
YES: Polyester satin, suspenders, fur coats, American lag jumpsuits, gold bikinis, Texas Big Hair, coyness, big lips, exaggerated eyeshadow, sequence, car commercials…in Japan.
NO: Popped collars, trying-too-hard-cleavage, puka shells, platinum blonde Azns, anything vaguely reminiscent of Heidi Montag, blood, snuggies (in the privacy of your own home, please), the Eiffel Tower pose (ditto).
Step 4: The biggest mistake
You can't be white and "crunk." You are not Eminem. Don't even go there. Few exceptions made for Vanilla Ice.
Step 5: ATTITUDE.
Yes: "Bitch, please." "Don't hate me cause you ain't me." "2 percent angel, 98 percent devil."
No: "I just have a lot of feelings."
Important slogans to remember when being glamorous:
1. Time is money.
2. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
3. I am invincible.
4. Does this dress make me look fat?
5. What will my mother say when she sees this?
6.. Patience is a virtue.
7. 1, 2, 3 - POSE.
Step 6: Timeless additions and forms of inspiration
Yes please: Cougars, cameos by professors, whips and chains (not for everyone), piano key neckties
No more: The faux female mustache, polaroids with sharpie commentary, the foreshortened arm, and please…if you don't need glasses, don't wear them
Step 7: All my ladies
Aspirations: Sasha Fierce, Mary Katherine Gallagher, 60% Agyness Deyn, Lily Cole, Zooey Deschanel, Regina George, Mila Kunis, M.I.A., Sarah Palin, JUERGEN TELLER IS A GOD
Avoid like H1N1: The "Amy Winehouse," Courtney Love (redundant), any girl on VHI, Janice Dickinson, just being Miley
Step 8: All my fellas
Be: Will Smith, anyone from Boy Meets World excluding Corey but including Mr. Feeny, John Stamos, Jackie Chan, Kevin Garnett, Clive Owen, David Bowie, Andre 3000
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