Jared Diamond disappoints by not being advertised love guru
Tom Tielleman
Issue date: 2/5/10 Section: Opinion
So many thoughts ran through my mind as I sprinted towards the auditorium. What was Dr. Diamond going to tell me about women? Is there something inherently simple that you can do to impress a girl? Was tonight going to be the last night that I would be single? Why didn't I get myself a bag of Doritos for this run?
I ran into Laurie and took my seat just a mere two hours before the talk was scheduled to start. After I cleaned up some lamb poop from the aisle and covered the smell up with incense, it was time for the lecture to begin. I pulled out three blank 500 page notebooks and prepared for my life to be changed.
Within about ten minutes, I realized that this was not the Jared Diamond that I had expected. It was just some Pulitzer Prize winning imposter with the same name. I sadly walked out of Laurie to the sounds of this other Dr. Diamond lecturing on about society and some random guy shouting something about a lamb biting him.
So for the time being, I'm still unarmed against the complex species that is the female mind. However, I know that one day I will find the real Jared Diamond. I will climb every mountain top, search every cave and delve into the deepest jungles until I find him. For some day, I will woo a girl and she will know without a shred of doubt that I indeed went to Jared.
I ran into Laurie and took my seat just a mere two hours before the talk was scheduled to start. After I cleaned up some lamb poop from the aisle and covered the smell up with incense, it was time for the lecture to begin. I pulled out three blank 500 page notebooks and prepared for my life to be changed.
Within about ten minutes, I realized that this was not the Jared Diamond that I had expected. It was just some Pulitzer Prize winning imposter with the same name. I sadly walked out of Laurie to the sounds of this other Dr. Diamond lecturing on about society and some random guy shouting something about a lamb biting him.
So for the time being, I'm still unarmed against the complex species that is the female mind. However, I know that one day I will find the real Jared Diamond. I will climb every mountain top, search every cave and delve into the deepest jungles until I find him. For some day, I will woo a girl and she will know without a shred of doubt that I indeed went to Jared.
Be the first to comment on this story