Jared Diamond disappoints by not being advertised love guru
Tom Tielleman
Issue date: 2/5/10 Section: Opinion
I thought that last week was going to be the week in which I finally learned to swoon the ladies once and for all. I've stumbled through 22 years of ignorance in regards to the fairer gender, but this past week was going to change everything. Two weeks ago, I opened up my LeeRoy email (yes, I'm one of the three people who looks at LeeRoy) and saw that Trinity was going to bring a speaker for the DeCoursey Lecture that was going to change my life.
Now sure, past DeCoursey lectures have included Nobel Prize winners and former prime ministers, and I'm sure that these people have somehow been important to the world in their own special way. However, this year, Trinity decided to invite someone whose impact has far surpassed any other man in the world. Trinity invited a professional love guru. They invited the doctor of love himself, Dr. Jared Diamond.
Now for those of you guys who are unfamiliar (because I know all the ladies know who this guy is), Jared Diamond is a know-it-all when it comes to the ladies. Whenever I'm watching TV, I always see cute girls clamoring on and on about how their guy went to Jared. From what I've pieced together, Dr. Diamond is like the Dalai Lama of love. He's incredibly elusive and well hidden, but if you find him, you can ask his advice about a girl and then he'll tell you exactly what you need to know to woo her. In the commercials he always seems to suggest buying the girl an expensive piece of jewelry. But I'm sure that's just a coincidence. All girls can't be that simple.
Anyways, I had searched far and wide throughout my life looking for the ever-elusive Jared Diamond, and then suddenly, as if it were a gift from the heavens above, Trinity somehow convinced him to give a lecture in Laurie Auditorium on Feb. 1, 2010.
So on the day of the lecture, I gathered up the needed essentials in order to please the great Jared Diamond. I grabbed some Tibetan incense, a sacrificial lamb and a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos and ran to Laurie to be enlightened.
Now sure, past DeCoursey lectures have included Nobel Prize winners and former prime ministers, and I'm sure that these people have somehow been important to the world in their own special way. However, this year, Trinity decided to invite someone whose impact has far surpassed any other man in the world. Trinity invited a professional love guru. They invited the doctor of love himself, Dr. Jared Diamond.
Now for those of you guys who are unfamiliar (because I know all the ladies know who this guy is), Jared Diamond is a know-it-all when it comes to the ladies. Whenever I'm watching TV, I always see cute girls clamoring on and on about how their guy went to Jared. From what I've pieced together, Dr. Diamond is like the Dalai Lama of love. He's incredibly elusive and well hidden, but if you find him, you can ask his advice about a girl and then he'll tell you exactly what you need to know to woo her. In the commercials he always seems to suggest buying the girl an expensive piece of jewelry. But I'm sure that's just a coincidence. All girls can't be that simple.
Anyways, I had searched far and wide throughout my life looking for the ever-elusive Jared Diamond, and then suddenly, as if it were a gift from the heavens above, Trinity somehow convinced him to give a lecture in Laurie Auditorium on Feb. 1, 2010.
So on the day of the lecture, I gathered up the needed essentials in order to please the great Jared Diamond. I grabbed some Tibetan incense, a sacrificial lamb and a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos and ran to Laurie to be enlightened.
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